Someone recently said to me to check out Prophetic Mark Taylor, in their excitement they told me all about how Trump is going to redeem America and has changed Gods course of action against America. It has taken me a while to visit You Tube and to review his prophetic messages to God’s people. Today especially it was weighing on my mind. I see that there is a lot of fodder for proving his predictions and disproving. I believe prophecy is alive and well today, but I also believe there are more fake or false prophetic messages out there and it can be difficult to know which is truth and which is false. My belief is scripturally based on Acts 2:17. I decided to look further for more information….and I came across this very insightful writing from “Study – Grow – Know, Ministries”. I do not agree with all his points, in fact some I think are wrong and more denominational than scriptural. But there are a few paragraphs that really caught my attention and the Holy Spirit, said listen carefully….. Here are those paragraphs that are insightful…
Prophecy “from the Mark Taylors of the world is that they all imply one very sad thing without saying it. They imply that God is not in control at all and if the Church remains silent or fails to take up her mantle of responsibility, then God cannot be victorious. This is clear when he says that “our job is to not let them” in referencing the spirits of Jezebel and Pharisaism that are attempting to control society.
In short, like Mark Taylor, Thompson believes that Donald Trump is God’s choice for the next president of the USA. What I find fascinating is that it appears as though God needs our help. Without our prayers, without our efforts, without our ability to recognize lies and ignore them, Donald Trump just might not win. What does that say about what these men are teaching about God?
There are people on YouTube who also call themselves prophets and believe that Donald Trump won’t be president. Who’s right? I think God has already decided who will be America’s next president and I don’t think He needs to let anyone know ahead of time by bringing them up to the “third heaven” where they can speak with angels to learn about it.
Here’s what we know. Jesus told us that we essentially have one job to do as Christians. That job is the Great Commission found in Matthew 28:16-20. That is our job, our commission. It is not to worry about this political leader or that one. It is to evangelize the lost. This is how we glorify God in Christ. It is not through politics. While we can and should vote, our job given to us by Jesus Himself, is to evangelize the lost.
Instead, too many Christians are worried about the “destruction” of America. The 150,000 people who die daily? No worries, but let’s be sure to enter into spiritual prayer warfare about the next president.
Christians need to have their heads on straight and wrapped around God’s Word, not some self-proclaimed prophet or apostle who has no clue and speaks from his vain imaginings.
The lost and dying need Christ. Who will tell them if Christians are too busy involved in politics?”
What caused me to stop and think deeper are a few points the writer stated. The first being the disputed notion God needs our help to accomplish something. God does not need our help for anything, He can certainly accomplish everything without our help. But His word does instruct us to do several things, Mark 16:15 tells us to spread the Gospel to all ends of the earth. Matthew 7:15-20 tells us to beware of False Prophets in sheeps clothing (there are many other scriptures to this point as well), and then theres the instruction to be on watch for the signs of the return of Christ; Acts, 1 Corinth, Thess., on so on. Lastly in this reference He reminds us that a divided people cannot prevail – Mark 3:25 and we need to work towards living together in love.
So what does this all mean? We must be very careful of people stating they have prophetic words for the future, for they could be false prophets in sheeps clothing. Further more we really don’t need others to tell us the future. The Bible gives us all the instruction we need to see where we are on the timeline ourselves. All we have to do is read and listen to the Holy Spirit speaking within us. Anytime anyone claims something cannot be done without our prayers, is dangerously dangling on a highwire about to break. GOD DOES NOT need us to accomplish anything!! Does He want us to pray? YES, Does he want us to help fight spiritual warfare with our prayers and petitions YES!! BUT He does NOT NEED us to accomplish things. There is a big difference between commanding us to do things and needing us to do things so He can accomplish. The slight twist on words shows us the truth between prophet and false prophet.
We are commanded to watch for signs of Jesus second coming. The Bible itself tells us exactly what to look for, we do not need someone else to tell us when, if we are reading the Bible as God has told us to do. Is it helpful for others to inform us? Yes it is, but its also very tricky because one false word among many can fool us if we are not careful and biblically read up. The Bible also clearly states we will not know the day or time and anyone who predicts such is a lier; Matt 24:36, and I believe the not knowing is for our own good. Who after all would not fret and worry because you knew the day? God clearly tells us not to worry, that it is sinful, so He is not going to give us information that would cause sin. However, just because we don’t know when exactly,we are not to be totally caught off guard either. I highly recommend reading Matthew 24 to understand this better. There are many other scriptures also; like 1 Thess. 5.
The easy road to destruction is division. It happens daily world wide. Division in reglious views, division in our homes, division between races and division in political views. These are all distractions or more bluntly…EVIL in sheeps clothing. Unified we prosper, divided we fall, pure and simple. If all people knew and understood Mark 3:25, we would live in a more peaceful world.
In conclusion: There will be people who say they know and want you to listen to them. Some will be called prophets, apostles, etc. But be very careful for the majority will be false with only a twist of a word or two; being very convincing. Do not lean on them for where we are on the timeline or signs of the end. Instead turn to the Holy Spirit and scriptures and trust Him to give you understanding. Whenever we ask such things He answers and He will show you exactly where we are and what you should know. The portion of the article I posted is a good example of twists and turns that can sound correct and convincing but in it is destruction. So if this isn’t the truth, where do we turn to find it??? It is found in our Bibles and the Holy Spirit. God does not want us to be afraid or fearful of the end of times, He just wants us to be watching for it. If anything invokes fear or intrepidation in your spirit, it is not of God. For God is love and fear is evil. If something causes division then it also is not of God, but evil. Think a minute about our political world today and how much strife and division it causes its not where God wants our minds. Nor is it in the race wars, nor in the church denomination wars. What He wants is for us to be unified in the Word of the Holy Bible and listening to Him directly not others who just might lead us astray. We need to STOP the madness and listen to the Holy Spirit given to us by Our Heavenly Father by the crucifixion of Jesus on the Cross. All the bickering and division is not of God nor is any said prophet who causes strife through predictions. It is deception disguised as good.
This blog is from a term paper I wrote a few years back. I enjoyed writing it so much I thought it would make good reading for a blog.
|May 4, 2015|
How many times have we said or heard the phrase “Well, all we can do is pray about it.” What! Did I just say that or hear someone make that statement? What foolishness we speak and forget the true greatness which is manifested through sincere prayer. Prayer is a gift from God; it is communication with our creator. Our prayers can move mountains, it can make or stop things from occurring, and it can provide, heal and change hearts. At bedtime, in the quiet huddles at a hospital, through email and Facebook posts, in fasting and church services, prayer is at the heart of each of these and in unlimited access to the Father. Many times we put limitations on what we allow God to help us with and we try to carry too much of the load ourselves. Our silly phrases can lend to serious foolishness, our words matter much. Prayer is a powerful expression that can even be a resolve to life or death situations.
So what is prayer and what does it do? Whenever a person goes into prayer, the forces of heaven are released and the same power that freed Jesus from the grave becomes available to us only by the Father. The limitations of what he is willing to do for us are those we impose ourselves. In prayer, the Holy Spirit intercedes and raises each of our petitions to the Father, made possible by the sacrificial blood of Jesus on the cross. This is confirmed in Romans 8:27, “And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” (NIV) Magnificent and mysterious things happen through prayer.
It is through prayer we are renewed by the Holy Spirit daily and we are redeemed in salvation. Comfort and love fill the air space we inhabit when we pray, our souls are soothed. God’s warm love is exhibited during prayer time and envelopes the worshipper, his presence is great and wondrous. During these precious moments we are alone with Him, he hears our voice and we know him. We become conscious of the fruits of the Spirit in earnest prayer seeking, Galatians 5:22 &23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Prayer defeats the enemy as stated in 2 Chronicles 20:2-25. Praying is life sustaining and keeps the church alive in unity, as is exampled in Acts 4:24-33. Praying honors God and is an important part of all Ministry; 1 Kings 18:24-39 and Ephesians 6:18. [Morris: pgs 4 &5]
As we can see, prayer is a critical daily element to life itself. It accomplishes more than we can imagine. For these reasons among many others, we also need to understand how to approach The Father in prayer. “God rewards the Believer who operates in faith, it pleases him. It is important to come in faith, ask in faith and receive in faith.” [Morris: pg 7] People go without necessities because they do not ask God in prayer to provide for them. We are told in 1 John 5:14 & 15 to make our requests known to God. We are also reminded in James 4:2 that we do not have because either we failed to ask for it or we asked with the wrong intention at heart. “…You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” Another essential part of prayer is to always pray in the name of Jesus, as we are told to do in John 14:13. When we go to the throne of the heavenly Father in prayer, we only have this privilege because of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. Therefore when we pray it must always be in the name of Jesus. When we pray in this appropriate manner, God is glorified and responds to our prayers. [Morris: pg 8] Another part of prayer is physically how we approach the throne, or ‘positions of prayer’. [Morris: pg 27]
There are at least 9 or more positions individuals use to pray. Some of these include Lifting up our hands, bowing our faces to the ground and just before sleep in the bed. Let us focus for a few minutes on my three most used positions of prayer, standing, kneeling and the position of my heart. Often a big deal is made out of the way we pray by the church. First let me remind you, God hears all prayers offered in the name of Jesus. In fact there are at least 27 scriptures that reassure us he hears our prayers. Some of my scripture favorites regarding the Father hearing us are Psalm 55:17, Matthew 7:7 & 8, Hebrews 11:6 and John 15:7.
When I go to prayer I typically begin in the standing position, with worship music on, my eyes closed, incense offered and often a candle lit to remind me of the presence of the Holy Spirit. Everyone has their own way they offer prayer in their closet; I do not believe there is specifically a right or wrong way as long as the position of the heart is in right standing. The right heart is being earnestly seeking God and His will for us. James 4:3 & 4 clearly says, God knows our heart and motive for the things we seek in prayer, and it is imperative that it be pure. “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
My prayer closet routine helps me lose focus on me and daily life things and solely reflect on God. Some prayer closet actions may become habit and I believe that is fine as long as it leads your focus on God and not the rituals themselves. After preparing my prayer room for worship, I stand and soak in the words of worship music and the soothing smell of incense. I seek the comfort of the Holy Spirit. As I move into that precious secret prayer place my next actions depend on the leading of the spirit. I often sing praises, I always pray and most times end up on my knees for a while listening to what the Lord has to say to me. “Solomon both stood and kneeled to pray and scripture tells us that Stephen and Jesus kneeled to pray. Scriptures 1 Kings 8:54, Acts 7:60 and Luke 22:41” [Morris: pg 27] It really boils down to your heart and God and nothing else. If the position of your heart is in the right place everything else is mute. God is interested in our authentic worship and heartfelt faith, not whether we are standing or sitting, positions are the human way of honoring and glorifying God in prayer.
The types of biblical prayers used for specific desired outcomes are unlimited. However let us focus on three kinds of prayers that are purposeful to all believers; Spiritual Warfare, Discouragement, and Knowing God’s Will. We will begin with Spiritual Warfare. This is an aspect of prayer life too many Christians know little about or completely overlook. To gain a better understanding of the magnitude of Spiritual Warfare a few facts are helpful to understand about Heaven. Spiritual warfare is the largest topic of the three in my opinion. One of my favorite books and author “War in Heaven” by Derek Prince explains the subject of Heaven and warfare very well. Let us start by looking at 2nd Corinthians 12:2-4 in which Paul is speaking about visions and revelations from God. In these passages he explains about a man he knew in the past who was caught up to the “Third Heaven”. This clearly tells us there are three Heavens, the third being the place of God’s personal dwelling and the most sacred paradise. The Greek word for paradise is ‘Paradeisos’ meaning garden. God’s garden is in heaven and a second biblical reference to this can be found in Luke 23:43. [Prince: pg 12]
The Book of Revelation briefly talks about the second or mid Heaven. In both Revelation 14:6 and 19:17 references are made to an angel and birds in the midst of heaven or mid-heaven. The Greek word used for mid-heaven is ‘mesouranema’ which means mid-heaven. There are no specific references to the location of the first heaven so its location is not specifically known. One of the many inhabitants of the heavens is angels. There are two categories of angels those of God and those of Satan. The Bible makes many references to the angels and the various purposes of them, such as in Matthew 18:10 Jesus speaks about the children who have angels. Angels are mentioned as God’s messengers, God’s agents of protection and warrior angels, who engage in conflict with the opposing angels. The third heaven God’s garden is said to be a peaceful place of beauty. The mid-heaven is where angelic conflict and warfare occurs as Satan pours out slanderous accusations against Christians to God. Revelation 12:10 tells of Satan being the accuser of our brethren before God.
What do the facts about heaven have to do with prayer? The two go hand in hand with each other. Human life has many conflicts, struggles and even war and it is the same with the Godly and demonic angels. For the most part people accept conflict as an acceptable regular part of life. But as noted in 2nd Corinthians 10:3-5 the conflict we accept are really to be battled by us spiritually with the tools God has provided for our benefit. “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Paul tells us the Christian war is different than what is seen with our eyes on a regular basis. He tells us this is a spiritual war and our weapons to fight this war are not the same as those which our human soldiers use on the earthly battlefields. They are something much more that comes from God and is very powerful. Ephesians 6:12 specifically tells us that our battles are in the spiritual realm and not on the human level. Over and over again the Bible refers to our Lord who is mighty in battle. The book of Ephesians provides us a detailed description of what our spiritual weapons are. In Chapter six Paul tells us again that we do not struggle human against human, but against the powers of the dark world and against the forces of evil in heaven. The spiritual weapons (armor) he speaks of is, salvation, truth, righteousness, faith, the biblical word and prayers (also in spirit). There it is one of our main weapons to fight against the evil principalities is prayer. The reality and situation we face as warriors in spiritual warfare is described well in the book of Daniel beginning in chapter 10. There we find him fasting and praying for 21 days. He was sad about the enslavement of his people and Daniel was seeking God’s help. An archangel of God called Gabriel came to Daniel and made known to him that his prayer was heard by God on the very first day he prayed it. When Daniel asked why it took 21 days for God to acknowledge, Gabriel explained that it took that amount of time and help from another angel Michael, to battle past the prince of Persia. Daniels persistence in prayer was the key, he helped the angels battle against Satan through his prayer.
As we pray throughout the day, over food, and in our closets we are going to battle against evil principalities that hinder us. As told in the book of Matthew, we have the power to bind these principalities and loosen its grip on us. We need to be suited for spiritual prayer by putting on our armor; reading the Bible, walking out our salvation in righteousness and truth. Having unwavering faith and trusting him for everything and then there is prayer itself, the critical link of communication to the Father for life. “The reality we must grasp in spiritual warfare prayer is that though Satan has been attached, overpowered, and stripped of his armor, he is still holding on to a lot of plunder that isn’t rightfully his. Through warfare prayer we help others go in and get back the stuff in their lives that Jesus secured for His own purposes through his death and resurrection.” [Rhodes: Pg 111]
Sometimes it may seem like our prayers are not being heard or answered and we begin to doubt and become discouraged. I think this happens often because we do not understand the second half of the statement, ‘God answers prayers.’ Yes he does, but the second part is; we have accountability and there are hindrances to answered prayer. When we pray, are we asking for selfish reasons (Psalm 66:18), is there any unbelief within us (James 1:5-7) are our motives from the right place, do we abide in Him, do we have any idols in our life, do we believe God’s rewards and answers, is there any un-forgiveness in us? God is very specific about un-forgiveness (Mark 11:24-26) within us, this is a critical part of our walk. God has said if we do not forgive others, he will not forgive us. If you feel like God is not hearing your requests, the answer could be pending until these reasons are all in balance. [Morris: pgs 12 &13]
Overcoming discouragement can be very difficult if we are not in regular prayer time with God and using our spiritual weapons daily. Depending on the root of our discouragement being experienced will determine how quickly you recognize it for what it is and take victory over it. Sometimes discouragement is because you have been waiting for a long time for answered prayer or it could be a battle of depression, feeling of inadequacy or other areas of exposed weakness. We are not alone. Even Moses felt discouraged at times and complained to God (Exodus 5:22, 23). But he did it with an attitude of integrity and humility. [Copeland: pg 150] We can feel like it is inappropriate to approach God with these types of things, but the truth is He already knows. If we attempt to cover up our discouragement we cannot get past it and we are not being truthful. Remember that Truth is one of our spiritual armor items. When we become discouraged this is the time to turn to the Father even more. We also need to check ourselves to see if we have lapsed or failed to follow God’s direction along the way. Even in times of discouragement sincere prayer is still the battle key to our freedom.
In times of discouragement we need to have some scriptures hidden deep within our memory bank to pull out and use. God wants to help us, he wants to adhere to his word and perform it (Jer. 1:12). [Copeland: pg 151] We should not become discouraged if we are enduring trials, James 1:2, 3 says we are to be joyful when we encounter trials, because they are proving our faith and will complete patience. It goes on to say that once patience has had her perfect work, we will become developed and lack nothing. This promise alone should make us want to be patient and not be discouraged, however in the middle of it sometimes we cannot see what is right in front of us.
Wisdom and God’s will is something we can never have enough of when applied appropriately. The saying that comes to mind is; ‘I wish I knew back then what I know today.’ I have said this so many times, but the truth is some of that wisdom I wished for could have been possible through Bible study. We cheat ourselves out of this important element called wisdom, when it is available to us just by studying the Bible. Now that does not mean we could know all of what we do today back then, because of life experience. It is true that we have trials and experiences that teach us as we go through life and it is improbable to expect that as a youngster. However the wealth of wisdom found in the scriptures, can make life easier and it is available to us even as young children. All we have to do is read, study and then apply it. God’s will is also explicit in the Bible and available to us from childhood until life ends.
God’s will for us is twofold. There are things he wants for each and every one of us and there are individual specific things he desires for us too. For example, it is God’s will that sinners are saved according to Romans 10:8-11. It is his will to heal the sick (Exodus 23:25) and prosper us (3 John 1:2). God also wills us to walk in the Spirit (Romans 8:1, 4) and to walk worthy of our calling (Ephesians 4:1). [Morris: Pg 19]. We should desire to do God’s will, and trust his will to be the perfect thing for our life. His will is designed to complete us and bring joy with purpose. We should pray in a way that honors God and requests to know what his will for us is. A way to ask God to show us his will is: “Father, I ask you to fill me with a knowledge of Your will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives so that I will live a life worthy of You, Lord, and please You in every way. Let my life bear fruit in every good work, as I grow in the knowledge of God.” [Copeland: pg 189]
Prayer builds dreams and yours is in the process right now if you have been spending time with God in prayer. We are called to make the most of each and every day while we wait patiently for our journey to be complete and prayers answered in God’s timing. Only he knows when the perfect time for answering our prayers is. We are to honor God by trusting him and following his lead. We have no way of knowing exactly when our answers will come, but we can take solace in being assured he answers all of our prayers exactly at the right time. Impatience with God breeds frustration and moves us into a place of instability. “Be generous with patience, give it away freely to yourself and others.” [Meyers: pg 38]
Christians are Intercessors. When God saved us he filled us with the life of Christ who is always interceding. And through our propensity to identify with another’s pain or pray on their behalf out of love and compassion, intercession occurs and is every believer’s call and destiny. When it comes to prayer there are no chosen few. We are all called to pray, whether it is for spiritual warfare, wisdom, encouragement or for one another. Prayer is not a request of God, it is a requirement and expected from each of us. Prayer is for our own beneficial good and we are wise to obey. [Donihue: Pg13]
Bible, King James Version: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1970, Book
Bible, New International Version: The Knowing Jesus Study Bible, Zondervan, 1999, Book
Bible, Good News Bible Today’s English Version: American Bible Society, 1993, Book
Bill Morris Ministries, Inc.: Syllabus, Prayer – TH 408
Copeland, Germaine, Prayers that avail much: Harrison House LLC, 2012, Book
Meyers, Joyce, When God When: Warner Books Inc., 1994. Book
Donihue, Anita Corrine, When I’m On My Knees: Barbour Publishing Inc., 1997, Book
Prince, Derek, War in Heaven: Chosen Books, 2003, Book
I am beginning a new blog on foster parenting and adoption through fostering. I’ve now been a foster parent going on three years. The journey began with the intent to adopt a very nice teenage boy with some special needs. My storyline is based on Tennessee Law and each state has different rules and policies which could make your experience diffent. This story will be an ongoing part of my blog with periodic updates on progress until the story reaches a good stopping point.
Its important that you the reader understand I am a 50 something married woman with two grown children and one grandchild. This fact is very relative to this story. Age has a lot to do with many things eventhough the younger we are the more we deny this truth. It all began one late night when I could not sleep. I often transfer from my bed to the sofa, because the transition tricks my mind into thinking I am now more comfortable and can sleep. It was late October and a chill was in the air. I snuggled under the blanket on the soft sofa and fell fast asleep. I am a night dreamer and I believe often (not always) dreams tell us many things, including messages from the heavens. This particular night I had a very vivid dream. In fact to this day I am not sure if I was dreaming or it was reality. Nonetheless to me it was a real event.
I recall sitting on the sofa and Jesus sitting beside me. I dont remember seeing His face or anything, I just knew it was Him. Quietly He said to me I should adopt a child. I replied to Him that I was fine with that but He would have to convince my husband this is something we should do. I did not believe my husband would agree due to our age and the point we were at in life. In the morning when I woke up I began the normal early routine of fixing coffee and getting ready for work. As I went about preparing for the day I temporarily forgot about the vision until…there it was forefront in my mind to where I could think of nothing else. This is how my journey as a foster parent began.
I briefly mentioned the vision to my husband and his reaction was what I expected, he likes things as they are currently. Just the two of us, quiet and no drama, but he agreed to think about my request to make an inquiry. The next morning I asked him again and he reluctantly agreed to making an inquiry for adoption. That morning I got online and was directed to the adoptuskids.org website. It was such a strange feeling seeing all these children listed like the pets at the local shelter. The listings were complete with pictures and descriptions of them and their hopes and dreams for the future. It was heartwrenching and felt so wrong to pick a child like this. But I read through them all several times and one teen girl kept resurfacing in my mind, so I made the inquiry on the website.
The next morning I received a call from the website and was asked if my homestudy was complete? Homestudy? Whats that I asked, she said I had to go through an agency so my home could be verified that it was fit for adoption. She then asked if I had completed the PATH classes yet? Another unfamilar term for the me the newbee. PATH? She then explained we had to sign up for the classes before we did anything else and just to let me know the likelyhood of us adopting this girl wasnt very good because they (meaning Dept of Children Services in TN “DCS”) are really designed for Foster Care. I was very disheartened and doubted that my vision was real. I began to pray very hard and I asked God to confirm this direction so that I am sure this is what I am supposed to do. I believed He would answer in a way I would understand whether I should push forward or not.
The following morning in early November I received another call from DCS in response to my inquiry. I was a bit confused because I already had the call the previous day and I told the woman about the call and that I was dissueded from pursuing adoption. She was upset that anyone would say that to me and stated the previous response must have misunderstood me. She offered to go ahead and contact someone regarding the PATH classes for me and to get the ball rolling. Thank you God for the firm confirmation. I agreed to scheduling the classes and waited for the call. I explained to my husband about the requirements and surprisingly enough to me he agreed. The next day someone from a related agency contacted me and scheduled us to get started on the PATH training classes, and it just so happened they were starting in two weeks right around Thanksgiving. Another confirmation from God in my mind. Great we were now scheduled for the classes. In the meantime I received another call from the “Placement Specialist” for the girl in my inquiry. We talked a long time about what we needed to do to prepare for the possible adoption. The Specialist was excited about the possibility of a permanent home for this child.
Fast forwarding to the month of January…
In January we finished taking the PATH classes to become a Foster Parent. Both becoming a Foster Parent and the PATH classes are a requirement to adopt from the Adoptuskids.org . We began planning a near future visit with the girl, all we had left to complete was the Home Study which we were told does not take very long. The Homestudy is in reality the longest part of the process. This is where you have tons of paperwork to complete with very personal questions about your family background, what kind of marriage do you have, what kind of marriage does/did your parents have, your relationship with your siblings, etc. It also includes a home inspection that have many requirements, a background check, fingerprinting, and so on.
While we were waiting for the Home Study process to finish an unexpected problem developed with the girl. Our faith is very real to us and my conviction that I was given this directive from above is unflappable. Once of the reasons I felt so connected to this particular girl was she had written part of her story and said she wanted a christian home that would support her in faith. I didnt feel like there were a lot of children that had been the horrific situation she had and still held on to her faith enough to make a christian home critera for placement. At this time she lived in a foster home and had been there about a year. The unexpected problem arose when she was asked to visit with us to see how each of us clicked together. Faced with this she did not want to leave where she was. I questioned the specialist then why would we force her, and was told the current Foster parents did not want to adopt her mostly because of her serious medical conditions and potential for extreme medical bills. I also asked myself why would I want to take this on at this point in my life, but the answer was always the same, because I was sure this is what God wanted. So we pushed forward to see if somehow we could ease her mind and set up the meeting. Meanwhile our Homestudy is finished and it is now the end of February. I remember the call well, the one where the specialist said the girls Foster Parents faced with adopting her or losing her is moving forward with the adoption.
At first I was heartbroken and I didnt understand why I had gone through all of this only to have it end this way. But after some thoughtful prayer I realized this was the plan all a long for this particular girl. If we had not pursued a possible adoption of her, the people she had called family for over a year would not have made the move to make her a permanent part of their family and this is what her heart truly wanted. God used us to make this girls prayers become reality. I am firmly satisfied with that.
So where do we go from here? Was this child a help to progress to the one we are ultimately supposed to help? Adopt? One of the issues for my husband and I is we really do not want to be Foster Parents, our ultimate goal is adoption. The main reason for wanting adoption over Fostering is the turmoil over separation of the kiddos as they come and go. I am a sensitive loving soul, there is no such thing as staying detached for me. I must love them all like my own, I cannot do any less and this sets me up for constant turmoil and heartache. While I am more than willing to obey Gods plan, I can only take so much emotional upset before deep depression sets in.
The placement specialist contact me after a week or so and asks if I am interested in another child. I had been praying and did not feel like my job was complete yet, and so I said yes. I started scouring the pages of adoptuskids.org again waiting for one particular one to fill my heart. At first it just didnt happen. My husband and I did not want to take on a child that was too young. We wanted to help the older ones that are harder to place, just like the girl. There was one boy who’s eyes really kept pleading with me through the picture, but he was special needs and I was uneasy about it. I inquired with the placement specialist about several others from the website and there was one possibility but she thought he was going to be testing the waters soon with a distant family member. But she did have a young man that she thought would be a perfect fit, was I interested in some pictures? Yes and there he was the boy with those eyes!! We set up a first meeting we drove a long way to spend just a few hours with him. He stole my heart all six foot three of him!! Oh and that sweet smile it just melted me. By April he had moved in with us. In order to move forward with any adoption, each child must first be Fostered by you for a minimum of six months. This young man was autistic and needed some special things such as education and proper ettiquette training. We moved forward and all was very well for about three months.
I think it was mid June when he had his first extreme anger outburst at a local kids center we had him enrolled him. When they called me I truly thought they were mistaken as I had not witnessed this side of him at all. From there things went down hill, there were problems at home and school. It wasnt working out and I wasnt equipped to change it. I was heartbroken and so was he the day he left to return to his special residence school. The boy and I had really bonded and it was terrible for both of us. But due to his background he had extreme anxiety regarding men. Eventhough we were going through a lot of family counselling together to try to fix it, the problems were getting worse not better.
After he left, about a month went by when he called me and asked if I minded if he continued to call me, of course I said he could call anytime I truly loved him. This was about October sometime. It was hard to believe that almost a year had gone by since we first answered this calling. It was decided he would make a home visit for Christmas and we would see if things were now better since he had a lot of therapy and was now understanding the consequences his actions can have.
The Christmas Visit.