I am thinking this morning about my decisions as a young 17 year old, nieve about so many things, yet making adult decisions that would last a lifetime. Todays devotion by Pastor Greg Laurie (Harvest.org) stirred my mind on these things. Of all my decisions, good or bad, the best one I ever made about marriage was to be sure those who I dated were christian. For me I never considered dating as something to do. Many kids today date because its what teens and young adults do to have fun. But from a very young age I always considered those whom I dated as a possible soulmate. I always felt dating was meant not just for fun but rather for finding the one you want to spend your life with. I took it seriously from the start.
I had my own set of rules my date must fulfill before I would continue a relationship with them. I must admit as a 56 year old, I have a few life regrets, but sticking to my rules as a teenager is not one of them. My rules, were based on biblical principals I had learned from one of my biggest influencers, Youth Pastor Gary Hayden at First Baptist Church. Also surrounding myself with friends that were also Christians.
What were my dating rules? 1. My date must believe in God and Jesus as His only son. My date must be willing to go to church and worship with me. No exceptions. Those who were unwilling never got subsequent dates with me.
2. (This is something I think has really been lost on too many young adults today) The seriousness of an intimate relationship with my date. In otherwords, I believed that sex was sacred, not only for myself but for my chosen mate as well. I never bought into the double standard its ok for guys, but ladies must wait for marriage. I have always felt it was a two way street. I had preset limits on myself of what I would and would not do. I believed then and now that if I am going to wait for my soulmate, then I wanted my intended to do the same. Why? I am not sure I really understood then the positive consequences of waiting for total intimacy; but later I understood it creates a bond that is almost unbreakable in the marriage relationship. I encourage everyone to wait for intimacy. Life is full of the unexpected, protect yourself from it. In otherwords you may be in a relationship where you believe your date is your life soulmate and give in. Dont! is my advice to you. You may find yourself in a situation where your heart gets broken, dont let it be a double loss, both heart and bodily self. Wait for that committment and ring; you wont regret it. If he wont wait, he does not have the respect for you that he should and your entitled too. Even if you have already gone down that lane, its not too late to change and going forward wait for your soulmate God has intended just for you.
3. I felt it was imperative to talk about the important life issues, before saying I do. Children, how many? Working mom or not? Finances. What each other expects, and the roles in each others lives you need for a healthy relationship. For instance I got married at 18. We knew we were young and the statistics were against us. So we decided a couple basic rules that we thought would help us not be a statistic. a. We would enjoy as much as we could being teens “together” before embarking on the family life. b. We would never go to parties without each other, it leaves the door open for trouble. Just a couple examples that worked for us. But looking back I dont think it was the self imposed rules that worked for us as much as it was taking the time to talk through all these things and knowing what each other expected from the other and respecting them for it.
So why do you date, is the question? Do have a rule set you follow? Rules that establish honor, boundries and contribute to relationship success instead of fostering unpercieved trouble from the start?
I wanted to share some key scriptures with you regarding the principals presented here. But instead I found this awesome Crosswalk article laying it all out scripturally. I hope you will take the time to read it. And if your older, great get a new perspective for your children, your grandchildren and those whom you share responsibility in shaping their lives for the future.
Thoughts Thru Lifes Journey 